Rindu

 I’m overwhelmed with all the feelings and emotional rush right now. Rasa macam baru semalam I tanya “dah makan ke?” dekat launching. Time flies so fast kan? Rindu. I wish there was a stronger word to describe this feeling. Can’t quite find one. Probably never will. 

How do people go through this? Is there a manual for it? Why is it easy for you and not me? These questions in my head don’t have answers and its driving me insane! Maybe this is what the actual “calm in the midst of chaos” means. Those words still linger in my head you. Those last 2 things you said. I wish “take care okay” was big enough. Strong enough. Loud enough. To erase “and please mov…”. Damn. I can’t even finish it without my eyes getting wet… I sedih. Itu je I boleh cakap. Doesn’t matter what anyone tells me. Let me feel this emptiness. Who are you to invalidate my feelings?? 

People say its supposed to be easy. Idk. I have no regrets. I hope so. But I wish things could be better. Hope; —is such a heavy word now. I didn’t deserve this. You lost someone that would give you the world. 

Goodnight love.