Not the best December

Hey.

It’s only been a week but it feels heavy doesn’t it? I had so much plans. We. But His plans are better. As long as it makes you happy. If you think this is for the best. Nothing else matters. 

I wish we had our birthday date

I wish we had our cake we talked about

I wish we had our night drive

I wish we actually celebrated together

I came by that night with high hopes. But this time I was already prepared for it. It didn’t hurt like the last time. That’s good right? 

I meant what I said. I kept it so long in hopes I wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. But I was sure that regardless, I would be the one hurt. I’m starting to hate mixed signals. It’s taking up so much of my mind as if I don’t have a lot in my plate already. I’m putting up my walls again (as if it means anything to you anyways). No answer, is an answer. Thanks for making it loud and clear. Probably the last time celebrating. Future seems like such a heavy word. It feels…empty. 

Happy Birthday to the person I miss most. Yang jauh di mata, jauh di hati. Yang datang, tapi memilih untuk pergi. Semoga yang baik sahaja untuk kamu. 

Love always, 

Your favourite Nadhirah 💜